thankful

My kids are awesome! I know most moms say that; I'll bet a good half of them actually mean it...but mine really are-NO REALLY! With one in college(Kayla), one in high school(Kara), & one in diapers(Avery), it can be an adventure (aka nuthouse) here at times. We call it fun chaos and most of the time it is pretty fun. Wild, exhausting, goofy fun. Who knew being parents could be this good? Who knew being married could be this amazing? Who knew life could turn out so blessed for a girl from such a broken background? NOT ME! God keeps His promises & gives us our hearts desires when we put our faith in Him!! That's what I remember when the baby has learned to take off her diaper (yes, a poopy one!!) and run around the house; when the almost 19 yr old STILL hasn't found a job and needs money again; when the high schooler withdraws after spouting off and acts like she HATES her parents with a passion unbeknownst to anyone else. I remember that we are giving these beautiful girls a childhood we never knew. They know stability. They know they are loved above all else. Peace, joy & contentment are the norm! A lifestyle I wasn't sure existed is now a gift Brad & I give to these beautiful children daily. There are no fights, drunken brawls, broken promises, wondering where we would be living from week to week. We may not have a whole lot compared to some people, but we are still proud and happy. We love what we do have. It's far more exciting to us than a new car, designer clothes, or nice furniture (which we would LOVE to have, by the way). It's why we're here. God has done a miracle in our lives and we continue to stand in awe of this little family that could. He looks past all the baggage from our upbringing, dysfunction, mistakes & flaws and loves us unconditionally. WOW! Life is good. And this girl won't forget it!

Everything wears me out lately. There are 3 billion things on the to-do list and it just keeps growing. I'm so overwhelmed I have been procrastinating and stressing and not sleeping well which is only making it worse! I have made it such a priority to live a healthy, joyful, balanced life and it feels like a huge failure to admit I am not pulling it together. Since I know God is control, it is silly to let the "stuff" in life get the best of me. So why does it? I recite Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future". This helps me take a deep breath, see all the amazing blessings he has poured out on me, and know it will be okay. The panicky moments that overtake me too often these days embarrass me and leave me drained emotionally & physically. Finishing a thought from beginning to end is a tough task these days, let alone an entire project. I keep telling myself that as the baby gets a bit older it will be easier, but what about all the stuff that needs to happens NOW? My relationship with Jesus is better than ever, I absolutely love and adore my family, the house, my job is great. So where is this constant exhaustion stemming from from? As I read over this it makes me cringe to sound so whiny, but I promised myself I would be real and honest in this blog, so I guess someone should call the wahhhh-mbulance. Time to kick out all this stinkin thinkin and focus on the good! My next post is going to be all about my amazing, beautiful family, which will no doubt be much more cheerful!

Bear with me, it's my first ever blog. I have journaled off an on throughout my life as a way to clear my head. I follow & enjoy several other blogs ranging every subject from fishing to Jesus to randomness to motherhood. I want to tell the story of a journey. The journey of Esther. It's hard to know whether to start from the beginning, where I am now, or to define the dreams I have in my heart of where I am going in the coming years. As a 38 year old child of God, wife, mother of 3 daughters, part time dr assistant, business owner, etc... I feel that I have gained a wealth of knowledge yet have many lessons to learn. I have been described as sweet, fun, smart, kind, gracious & a tom-boy. I see myself as a damaged but forgiven overcomer whom God has never left or forsaken. Thankfully He made me with a love for people, the outdoors & life itself so I would never consider giving up even when it really was the most appealing option. I have a zest for life & peace about my past that truly does pass all understanding. I have been blessed enough to have some amazing people placed in my life along the way to guide me. My ramblings will include parts of this amazing story that is my life thus far, random thoughts about nothing, & hopes and dreams for the future. It may be boring, goofy, sad, triumphant, whiny or worthwhile...we'll just have to wait & see.